All encounters are reunions after a long separation

I dreamt that I was sitting in a car with Qiao Zihua, driving along the coastal highway, with the gentle sunset outside, just like when we first met. I rested my head on his shoulder, and neither of us spoke.

Couples embrace and kiss under the glow of the lights. I gaze at the back of the boy in front of me and think to myself, he really resembles Qiao Zihua. Qiao Zihua, you are everywhere, yet no one is you.

Promise, do you really know what you are doing

I thought I could always be by your side, that I could wait for you to grow up. I always believed that everything I did would one day be understood by you. However, it turns out that what you were waiting for was never my embrace

But you and I both know that there are no ifs in life

As summer approached, I received the admission letter from the University of Southern California, which was the very university where Qiao Zihua had studied. Based on my memories, I rented the same house where I first met him. The other two roommates are girls, and we treat each other with courtesy, yet we can no longer find the intimacy of the past when Gu Xi would tap my head with chopsticks in the kitchen. In this house filled with memories, the white round table remains, and the slowly blooming flowers still crawl along the walls as they did before. However, there will no longer be a boy in a white T-shirt with a gentle smile coming out from that closed bedroom door to say "Hi" to me.

I cover my mouth, striving to prevent myself from crying out loud

After many years, I finally saw that photograph. At that time, I was nineteen, with a smile that lit up my eyes and brows, wearing his black coat, looking both plump and foolish. Behind me, the azure sea and a seagull soaring high only served as a backdrop to the most unforgettable love of my life.

I blankly raised my head, tears still hanging on my cheeks, and I saw Gu Xi's rarely seen gentle expression. However, the words he spoke were colder than winter, as he said: "Xu Nuo, let him go. Without you, his life will not be the slightest bit different."

A foreigner walking a dog smiled at us kindly and said "hello" in a strange tone, and for some inexplicable reason, my heart leaped with joy. The red-tiled detached houses and the green lawns complemented each other beautifully. The person I like is right beside me, and I am in the prime of my youth, able to love freely and wholeheartedly. I have never thought of anything more beautiful than this.

I casually opened the chat window with Qiao Zihua and said to him: What a coincidence, I am also going to the UK. How about we book the same flight? It would be nice to have someone to talk to on the plane

On the night before we left San Francisco, Gu Xi finally could not help but knock on my door

Gu Xizhang opened his mouth wide, pointing at me, who had been disheveled and unkempt after more than ten hours of turbulence on the plane, and was left speechless

In the year I graduated from university, Qiao Zihua found a good job in California. Everything I know about him comes solely from Gu Xi. I continued to apply for master's programs in the United States, while Gu Xi prepared to return home to take over the family business. Sometimes, fate truly evokes deep emotions; we were born in the same country, yet we could only meet on the other side of the Pacific Ocean, and then we went our separate ways.

No, I shook my head, I want to go to the United Kingdom

In August, the sky in Los Angeles was a deep blue and the sun shone brightly. Gu Xi's friend drove us to his residence. I remember the white round table placed outside the house by the roadside, with green leaves intertwined with red flowers climbing up most of the wall. After climbing two steps, I pushed open the door, and a gentle breeze made the curtains by the floor-to-ceiling windows billow up. That was the place where I first met Qiao Zihua

I turned around, and we stood at either end of the Christmas tree, wearing woolen coats of the same color, holding our phones, and saw each other's smiles

I believe I understand his meaning; he wants to tell me that from that night when we watched the stars and listened to the sound of the waves together, all of my feelings are the same as his.

My feet crossed the Prime Meridian, and the cold of December in London makes it hard to lift my head

The wind tousled his hair, and a smile lingered at the corner of his mouth as he watched me put on the coat. He was much taller than I, and the sleeves hung down quite a bit, which I carelessly shook off. Qiao Zihua seemed to let out a helpless sigh; he set down the camera in his hand and reached over to carefully roll up my sleeves. It was only about half a minute, yet I felt as if a century had passed. At that moment, a cruise ship happened to pass under the Golden Gate Bridge, the bridge blocking the sunlight and casting a shadow, like a protective shield, allowing me to take a good look at his face, his thick and dense eyelashes, which made one unable to resist the urge to kiss.

In the darkness, I cannot see his face, my body still retains the warmth of his embrace. I want to walk up to him and say thank you, but I feel as if I have been enchanted, unable to move, only able to stare intently at his silhouette.

Gu Xi was so angry that her teeth itched: "Xu Nuo, do you know right from wrong? How many girls are lining up to want to share a world for two with me!"

There have always been readers who liked this story and wanted me to rewrite it as a long novel, but as you know, some emotions are destined not to be celebrated

I suppose so

How many crossroads are there in life that shape us into who we are today? In the later days, I have pondered countless times that if I had not bought the wrong plane ticket, if Gu Xi had not taken me to Los Angeles, then my life would likely have unfolded into a completely different landscape.

I silently turned off my phone. I believe that in this world, some love is destined to be unfulfilled, such as the love Qiao Zihua has for me, and the love I have for Gu Xi

I blankly raised my head and saw Gu Xi's lips curl into a very forced smile. He said, "Xu Nuo, that day you said I know nothing, but what do you understand? I watched helplessly as the girl I love fell for someone else, charging through love like a fool, getting hurt and crying, while I could offer no comfort. You will never know how much it pains me."

Then I heard him slowly, slowly say: "Nono, I love you"

"Promise," he said, "I can no longer wait for you"

Gu Xi fell silent for a moment: "Why don't you come with me to New York, to celebrate New Year's Eve at Times Square"

I sincerely wished him happiness

Yet, in this lifetime, when paths cross in a narrow way, what can be done

Every time I revisit this story, I feel a deep sadness, longing for San Francisco, yearning for the azure sea and sky, reminiscing about my nineteen years. Therefore, I seldom watch it. Occasionally, I hear others mention it, and I wonder if that girl named Xu Nuo still resides within the story.

"Indeed, but they did not inform you that it would be a torrential downpour," Qiao Zihua said with a smile, turning his head to me.

He turned a blind eye to my tears: "Do you think you understand Qiao Zihua so well? You have never participated in the first twenty-two years of his life. Xu Nuo, how bold you are! You know nothing about him, yet you dare to lay your heart bare. Xu Nuo, he has long passed the youthful phase of drinking, fighting, and sleepless nights for love, and the person who makes him cry will never be you."

Gu Xi was packing his luggage in his room, and his sound system was playing loudly "It's just a pity we met too late." I asked in confusion, "Where are you going?"

02

Qiao Zihua also squatted down in front of me, extending his finger to wipe away the tears on my cheek. I heard him say: "I am too"

05

We arrived in San Francisco at midnight, with only a few scattered streetlights along the way. We casually found an inn to stay at, where the four boys shared a room while I had a room to myself. That night, I lay in bed listening to song after song on my phone, unable to fall asleep.

I pretended to turn my head, not daring to look at Qiao Zihua's expression

What exactly is a soulmate? Is it Qiao Zihua's response to Xu Nuo's "I am too"? I lost my heart in San Francisco

In that fleeting moment as I passed by, I did not look back

I did not fully awaken until the afternoon of the second day, gazing out at the encroaching dusk. In a daze, I wondered how I had ended up in this vast rural area again. A sense of unplaceable melancholy and restlessness surged within me, and I thought to myself that I had unwittingly buried my most beautiful youth here

Westerners refer to it as a soulmate, while we Chinese say it is destined by fate

Chronicles of Time

I remember the way he jumped high while we were playing beach volleyball by the sea, I remember the five of us barefoot forming a circle to take a photo, I remember him using mineral water to wash the sand off my feet, I remember playing cards together at night with paper notes stuck all over his face, I remember we ordered the same dishes, and I remember when I choked on a sandwich, he handed me his cola

Nono, I am sorry

Someone asked him where he went again, and he replied, Seattle

04

I thought it was a match made in heaven, but in the end, it turned out to be nothing more than an illusion, a fleeting joy.

At the moment when we all mistakenly believed that death had arrived, why did you choose to protect me, and why could you not allow me to pretend as if I could forget you without a care

Isn't it said that it never rains in Southern California? I widened my eyes

When I could no longer restrain my feelings for Qiao Zihua, I began to shamelessly revolve around him. During meals, I would sit next to him, and while walking, I would pretend to be casual and walk alongside him, wanting to know the music he was listening to through his headphones, and ordering the same dishes as him. I cannot learn to control my emotions; I can only smile at him with my eyes narrowed and shining brightly.

Fortunately, on this sunny day, we got off the car and walked along the winding flower street. The spring hydrangeas and summer roses had already bloomed, yet they still could not conceal the beauty of this neighborhood. We walked on a slope that is said to have a gradient of forty degrees, and I felt a bit scared, as if I might fall off if I were not careful

Why you

"Yes, I know nothing at all," Gu Xi looked into my eyes and said, "In this entire world, only you have promised to be loyal and devoted to one person; others are heartless and indifferent. Xu Nuo, I simply cannot bear to see you cry so sorrowfully."

I have never been to Seattle. When I was in the United States, I met a reader who really liked me, a little girl named Cheng Cheng. I have never seen her, but over the years, she has accompanied me in many conversations, helping me through countless nights of homesickness. She loves Seattle very much, and I wrote this story to conclude it in Seattle, wanting to dedicate it to her. I have never seen her, but over the years, she has accompanied me in many conversations, helping me through countless nights of homesickness. She loves Seattle very much, and I wrote this story to conclude it in Seattle, wanting to dedicate it to her.

Then there was a long silence, the cold wind made my nose feel icy, and only then did he slowly say: "Xunuo, why is it you?"

The seagulls soaring in the sky and the paths I once walked appeared in an instant as I closed my eyes, and then I heard his voice

That day, upon returning to the hotel, I opened my computer and changed my flight back to the United States. I knew I could no longer face him and my uncontrollable feelings. Sitting in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, I watched the sunrise over London, and I finally remembered what I had wanted to say to Qiao Zihua before.

In the summer of 2013, I sold all my furniture and drove a second-hand Ford car alone from the West Coast to New York, traversing thirteen states along the way, experiencing two flat tires, meeting countless people, and hearing various stories of love. On my return journey, I took Route 90 all the way to Seattle, simply because during our flight to the UK, we leaned on each other's shoulders and watched "Sleepless in Seattle," a film acclaimed as the most beautiful tale of love at first sight of the 20th century.

That night, I drove across the sea to West Seattle, parked my car in the seaside garden, and took out the old CDs from the car and the books one by one, and finally, I heard Tsai Chin's voice

You were here for a moment, but I will miss you for a lifetime

It seemed as if the heavens were also moved by me; in that moment, the colorful fireworks shot up into the night sky, bursting open with a "bang," dyeing the night into a spectrum of colors. Everyone simultaneously looked up at the night sky, cheering, but he and I merely gazed into each other's eyes, seeing the reflection of ourselves in the depths of each other's gaze

During my stay in London for more than ten days, I took a bus with a map in hand to visit the University of Oxford, the Tower of London, and the Big Ben. I strolled along the River Thames at dusk. In that moment, as I gazed at the Tower Bridge, I suddenly recalled the Golden Gate Bridge in August, with its vibrant red structure and the wind tousling the hair of the trees.

The more I talk about it, the deeper my understanding becomes, and the more regretful I am that I didn't meet him earlier.

As I was leaving after returning the car, I noticed that a car was also parked not far from me. The window was rolled down, and someone in the driver's seat was smoking, the faint red glow appearing even more intriguing in the stillness of the night. In the moment I brushed past it, I intended to glance back, but just then the CD finished playing, and I reached out to switch to the next one.

I heard him softly calling my name: "Nuo Nuo, Nuo Nuo."

I just came to my senses and smiled brightly, wishing to throw my ice cream at Gu Xi. Gu Xi seemed to have read my mind and calmly took a step back, saying, "What's the point of squatting? Get up quickly."

03.

But when the pain came in waves, I finally cried out in fear and sadness.

After concluding my journey in the United States, I returned to China just in time for the end of summer. After adjusting to the time difference for three days, I finally opened my computer to go online, only to be bombarded by messages and comments from friends. Lacking the patience to respond to each one individually, I updated my QQ status to: Returned to the country, no more departures.

In my mind, there is only a blank space, looking at his face, I am dumbfounded and unable to speak.

"Pack your things, buy the tickets, and come with me," he said with a look of disdain

I bit my lip, and for some reason, the moment I saw his face, tears welled up in my eyes uncontrollably. I forced a smile and said, "It's nothing."

As another year comes and goes, I cannot stop reminiscing, reminiscing about you, reminiscing about the past. I hope that the sea breeze will rise again, just for the sake of those waves, which are like your tenderness.

We simultaneously said to each other, "Merry Christmas."

On the afternoon of the second day, we drove back to Los Angeles, planning to return home overnight to conclude this trip. Ironically, it rained on the way back just as it had on the way there, as if the heavens were also saddened for me. Everything was shrouded in a gray mist from the rain, and fate treated me so unfairly

After we got out of the car, we checked for injuries. The driver's hand was injured by the explosion of the airbag. Gu Xi, who was in the passenger seat, sustained injuries to his leg and neck. Another male student only suffered minor injuries, while Qiao Zihua had an injury to his arm. I was the only one who was not injured because I was protected by Qiao Zihua

The happiness he gives me has always been very rare, exchanged with a lot of pain. However, there is a kind of happiness in life that only he can give me.

At some point, tears fell from my deliberately closed eyes and refused to stop.

The words I most wish to say, the life I most desire to have, can only remain buried deep within my heart, becoming a gentle yet sharp tattoo

Just finished the Summer School, my roommate Gu Xi is alone in the kitchen, soaking instant noodles, passing the time with whiskey mixed with lemon juice. A tough guy, he was so startled by my sudden intrusion that he almost fell off his chair.

It's a story that I really like, and I also really like the name "Xu Nuo". Xu Nuo, Xu Nuo, making a promise.

The neon lights on the Christmas tree make Qiao Zihuai's face look even more handsome and gentle, like water droplets dripping into the years, slowly dispersing.

I once foolishly asked Gu Xi, "Do you think Qiao Zihuai might have a little bit of liking for me?"

Tears and rain fell together where he couldn't see.

The attraction I was most looking forward to in San Francisco was the legendary Golden Gate Bridge shrouded in fog. Unfortunately, the weather in summer was too good with clear skies for miles. We boarded a cruise to tour the Golden Gate Bridge. The magnificent red bridge spanned across Northern California and San Francisco, with calm waves and seagulls occasionally flying over our heads. I sat on one side of the railing, with Qiao Zihua sitting next to me. He would occasionally stand up to take photos. I was a little overwhelmed by the sea breeze, and my whole body was covered in goosebumps. When he noticed me holding onto my arm, he took off his jacket and handed it to me.

On Christmas Day, I wore a big red hat and followed a stranger to the square to join in the revelry. In the center of the square, there was a huge Christmas tree adorned with sparkling ornaments. Pedestrians passing by stood under the tree for a long time, unwilling to leave.

I was still sitting between two boys in the back seat, but I dared not turn my head to sneak a peek at his face anymore. Gu Xi was right. Our love, me and Qiao Zihuai, was separated by a six-year time difference. I have never seen what he looked like when he was young, his childish appearance, his jealous face when someone else made him jealous, and so many other aspects of him that I have never seen.

At that moment, I finally admitted that I had a crush on him. He stood beside me, and even though I couldn't feel his warmth and we didn't exchange any words, I had a feeling that our hearts were connected. Our heartbeats and breaths were in sync, and we saw the same gifts of nature with our eyes. It was as if we had known each other for years, traveled through mountains and rivers, seen through the scenery, circled the entire earth, and finally met again. Our heartbeats and breaths were in sync, and we saw the same gifts of nature with our eyes. It was as if we had known each other for years, traveled through mountains and rivers, seen through the scenery, circled the entire earth, and finally met again.

I met you in the summer of 2009, when the sun was shining in Los Angeles, and the sea was blue. But we no longer had a chance.

I calmly looked at He Tu Shu Gu Xi and said, "I don't have any ulterior motives, I just want to see him once."

As if to prove his words "torrential rain," the rain outside indeed grew heavier and heavier. I dared not look directly into his eyes, so I pretended to look beyond his face and towards the window. The whole world was washed away, shrouded in misty rain. I secretly stole glances at his face from the corner of my eye, his soft hair, his straight nose, and his lips. Fatigue slowly crept up on me, and I nodded off, unable to resist any longer. Finally, I leaned against his shoulder.

I hung up the phone quietly, and I have learned not to cry easily anymore.

These are the questions I ask myself over and over again in every night when I miss him: Why him? Among six billion people, the probability of meeting him, the probability of falling in love with him, is almost zero. Yet, it happened.

Joe Zihua and Gu Xi, two big boys who love life and cooking, hit it off at first sight. They opened the refrigerator, picked up their knives, and began to exchange cooking experiences. As a girl, I felt embarrassed standing in the living room not knowing what to do. Gu Xi finally noticed my idleness, rolled up his sleeves and called out to me, "What are you standing there for? Come over and wash the vegetables!"

He walked out of the house wearing a white T-shirt and lazily stepping on flip-flops. He had slightly long bangs that looked a bit like flaxen color. He seemed to be in a dream-like state and said "hi" to me.

Then he stood up and slammed the door as he left. I have known Gu Xi for two years, and this is the first time he has been angry with me. However, I was immersed in my own sadness and sorrow, completely unaware of anything amiss.

I and Qiao Zihuai both started coughing loudly without prior agreement. The other two boys couldn't help but join in: "Alright, he's just joking, look at how nervous you two are."

We walk towards each other step by step holding our phones. I can feel my tears swirling in my eyes, but I try to lift my head and not let them fall.

From an unknown time, we have forgotten the purest form of emotions. In the name of love, we possess each other, hurt each other, torment each other, and do too many unnecessary things.

The next day, we drove to downtown San Francisco. I was still sitting next to Qiao Zihua in the car. We both fell asleep as soon as we got in and didn't wake up until we arrived at the famous Lombard Street. It was then that Gu Xi woke us up.

Gu Xichen remained silent for a long time, then he sighed deeply and said, "Xu Nuo, do you know? If someone chooses to give you the hope of life at the critical moment of life and death, then he must truly love you."

The night sky at that time was truly dazzling. Watching a shooting star and making a wish seemed like such a simple thing. Occasionally, one or two cars would pass by on the road by the seaside, driving slowly with their hazard lights on. The waves never reached higher than the rocks. I don't know why, but I have always remembered these meaningless details so clearly after all these years.

At this moment, we are once again in the same city, but each of us is carrying different concerns.

I held the warm milk bottle and looked up at him inexplicably.

06.

I walked up to him and leaned on the railing just like he did. The wind blew my hair onto my face, and my knit sweater was also blown up. The beach was not far ahead, and the Pacific Ocean was within reach. The waves were surging one after another. On such a night, loneliness was accompanied by an indescribable magic, and neither of us spoke a word.

After many years, it turns out that my heart still hurts so much for him that I can't find the words to express it.

If possible, my only wish at this moment is that I hope time could slow down a little bit, the parting is right in front of me, and every second by his side is a kind of blessing.

Both Gu Xi and I know that Qiao Zihuai's girlfriend, who has been in a relationship for six or seven years, is currently studying in the United Kingdom.

I don't know what to say, I lower my head and say, "I'm sorry."

From the Thames riverside, you can overlook the famous London Eye. Riding the riverside Ferris wheel is a dream for every lover. I self-mockingly thought, maybe at this moment, he is sitting there with his girlfriend.

An airplane enters the clouds, and a dazzling golden light fills the sky. I close the window shade. Qiao Zihuai takes out a laptop and plays a movie, handing me a pair of headphones and asking if I want to watch together.

The ocean is like amber of time, condensed with too many past events.

I held back my tears all night, and finally, at this moment, they fell uncontrollably. I covered my face, crouched down, and burst into loud sobs. I felt like a lost child, but he refused to hold my hand and lead me out of this forest.

I recalled this matter and, in despair, thought about how I would have to spend the next half month alone in an empty house, with no one to cook for me, no one to drive me to the Chinese supermarket to buy snacks, and no one to supervise me as I went to the gym to run... I shook my head to prevent myself from thinking further, staggered to the refrigerator, squatted down, and seriously dug into the ice cream. Gu Xi walked up to me and kicked my slippers with her toes. I looked up with an impatient expression and asked, "What is it?"

Finding friends in Los Angeles, driving to San Francisco for fun, "Gu Xi did not even lift his head as he stuffed his charger into the trunk, "Did I not tell you before?"

Even if he likes you very, very much, you will not be together

Gu Xi only discovered the true reason for my trip to the United Kingdom while browsing the internet at night. He rushed into my room, slammed the laptop onto my desk, and pointed at the screen, trembling with anger. Following his finger, I looked over and saw that Qiao Zihua's QQ signature read: Going to the UK next week

He patiently waited: "What do you want to say?"

He escorted me to the hotel entrance, and I shouted his name loudly in the wind: "Qiao Zihua, Qiao Zihua!"

Los Angeles is over 8,000 kilometers away from London. During the twelve-hour flight, we wore the same pair of headphones to watch a movie, lowering the volume to chat, describing our lives before we met. Qiao Zihua mentioned that he was once young and reckless, smoking, fighting, and playing games all night in internet cafes; I shared that when I was around ten years old, I enjoyed ice skating and have a long scar on my calf.

At the age of nineteen, I yearn to be in a romantic relationship, imagining a boy with a gentle smile holding my hand as we stroll slowly along the beach where the sunset is visible

You you you you you ... ...

What do you understand? I bit my lip, I finally, after much difficulty, met this person. How can one simply give up on true feelings?

We parted ways at the London airport, one going left and the other right. I did not see his girlfriend. After some twists and turns, I arrived at the hotel I had booked online in advance, carrying my backpack. I bought a local SIM card to send a text to Gu Xi, informing him of my safe arrival. My phone indicated that the other party was typing, but I waited for a long time, and he still did not send the message.

It turns out that love is harder than death

I shot him a fierce glare, raised the goblet, and downed the remaining sip of wine in one go. Then, filled with a belly full of grievances with no outlet, I kicked open my bedroom door and collapsed into a deep sleep.

That night, I had a dream

On a certain day in a certain month of a certain year, like a broken face, it is difficult to say goodbye, so let everything drift away; this is not an easy task, yet we did not cry at all

This year, he and Qiao Zihua are twenty-six years old. Even I, every morning when I get up and look at the fine wrinkles at the corners of my eyes in the mirror, cannot help but want to scream

I will not disturb their gathering; I just want to see him once more

I pretended to be sound asleep

I opened my mouth wide and looked at Gu Xi, who turned his head away: "Hurry up, look at your pitiful appearance."

On the back of the photo, he wrote in black ink: I lost my heart in San Francisco

Fortunately, as the number of memories increased, I began to get used to it myself. It wasn't until this year's winter vacation that Gu Xi planned to go to New York and asked me sideways if I wanted to join.

"Why go so far?" Gu Xi expressed some disagreement, yet did not stop me, "Are you going to hang out with friends?"

Until after 9 PM, just as we were about to leave Highway 1, a car suddenly rushed out from the left corner, swiftly occupying the road ahead of us, and then began to slow down without any warning. I only heard the male driver in our car curse loudly, and then I watched helplessly as the distance between the two cars grew smaller and smaller. My mind went blank; it was the first time I was so close to death, yet there was nothing I could do.

Gu Xi is a typical northern boy, tall and upright, and every time I talk to him, I have to look up. We attend the same school and major, and share this apartment. Initially, when I learned that I would be sharing a place with a boy, my mother threatened me fiercely, saying she would cut off my allowance. However, after she heard my description of Gu Xi, she seemed eager to jump out of the video and teach me step by step how to turn him into my private property. Standing at 1.9 meters tall, he is handsome and charming, with a talent for playing the piano, and has no bad habits. The most crucial point is that, in addition to playing basketball, he surprisingly enjoys cooking.

In this city where it rains nine months out of the year, I wander like a ghost. As I was planning to leave Seattle, I received an overseas call from Gu Xi.

He turned around and said, "What?"

Finally, I simply yanked off my headphones, opened the door, and walked out onto the open terrace across the corridor. As I pushed open the glass door, the person standing by the railing also turned around. I looked up and met Qiao Zihua's bright eyes. We both smiled at each other, and in that moment, my heart, which had been restless and unable to sleep all night, became soft and clear again. A feeling I had never experienced before was on the verge of emerging under the cool breeze and the vast expanse of stars.

After passing the Golden Gate Bridge, the cruise ship circled around Alcatraz Island, which has been abandoned, leaving only the mottled remnants of iron and buildings. Qiao Zihua suddenly called out my name: "Xu Nuo!"

I could hardly believe it as I covered my mouth and pressed the answer button, yet no one spoke. All I could hear was the noisy clamor of the square. After a long while, I finally heard him softly say: "Xunuo, turn around."

"Do you have other plans?" Gu Xi asked with some surprise

In the quiet kitchen, the only sounds that could be heard were the chopping of vegetables with a knife and the bubbling of soup in the pot, but unfortunately, at that time, I was not yet aware that something had changed

I know that outside the car, the sea breeze is gentle, the waves crash against the rocks one after another, and above is a brilliant starry sky

In the summer of 2010, when I was purchasing a plane ticket online, I mistakenly selected the wrong return date, and I had to return to the United States with a large amount of luggage more than half a month earlier than planned

During my two years of pursuing a master's degree in Los Angeles, I have nearly traversed every neighborhood in the city. Initially, I claimed that Qiao Zihua and I were destined to be together, but I am now gradually realizing that what is truly destined is merely my eternal role of following in his footsteps from afar, visiting the places he has been and witnessing the sights he has seen

Then we had no choice but to say goodbye

I stand tall and serene, untroubled and unafraid

Then you should fulfill their wishes, I said with a smile while covering my head to avoid him, after all, I don't want it

I think it took me a long time to truly understand Gu Xi's words. I bit my lip hard, thinking that perhaps I was just having a nightmare, and upon waking, I was still on that terrace where the sea was visible. We leaned against the railing, and no one spoke.

As for that brat Qiao Zihua, let's just forget about him. He didn't come back all night, and I have no idea where he went. Why do you also look like you haven't slept? Could it be that he went looking for you?

After a loud bang, the two cars collided violently. One second, two seconds, three seconds, and finally, the interior of the car fell silent. The arms that had protected me finally loosened, and I heard someone softly say, "Get out of the car." Only then did I, as if awakening from a dream, unbuckle my seatbelt

At the very moment the two cars collided, a pair of hands reached out beside me and tightly embraced my body

Because there are some things that are more important than love. This is the price of growth

I had long prepared my response in my heart for all his questions, and I smiled as I answered, "I am going to hang out with friends"

I remember that Christmas Eve, we walked a long way side by side just to buy a cup of hot cocoa. He took off his scarf and tied it around me. I did not ask him why he was not spending Christmas with his girlfriend, and he did not ask me why I appeared alone in the square. There are always some questions in the world that, regardless of the answers, are better left unasked.

Gu Xi looked into my eyes; he rarely spoke to me so seriously. He said slowly and deliberately, "So do you know that he has a girlfriend now?"

How can memories be so beautiful, and how can you bear to let me face such beautiful memories alone for the rest of my life

This is the first time I leaned on a boy's shoulder, and the unprecedented sense of security made me indulge in it, unwilling to wake up. I do not know how long I slept, but when I woke up, I realized how outrageous my actions had been. I blushed and quietly apologized to Qiao Zihua. He also smiled at me somewhat awkwardly, and we both avoided each other's gaze, pretending that nothing had happened.

This story was written on the eve of my departure from the United States, and I wanted to write something for it, a kind of commemoration that is not quite a commemoration, so the original title was "American Past"

"What made you suddenly think of going to the UK for a trip?" he asked me curiously

I woke up crying from a dream, looking at the gradually brightening sky outside the window, just like the times I loved him, the silhouette of him that I pursued, until the moment the sun rose, finally transforming into a fleeting breeze that could not be embraced.

I want to ask him: If I could appear in your life at the age of sixteen just like she did; if I could sit in the same bright classroom with you, run across the same playground, do the same exercises, speak the same dialect with you, cheer for every one of your goals, feel heartache for every cough of yours, and be by your side when the young you felt lost about the future and life; if our meeting had happened six years earlier, in the hot summer of 2003, when I wore a white dress and smiled as I walked up to you and said "Hi"; would our ending have been different?

"Promise, you have gone mad!"

Then, habitually flipping through the space, I saw the signature that Qiao Zihua had hung up half a month ago: I saw a face that resembled the person in my memory

Gu Xi took a deep breath and said, "Xu Nuo, you are truly foolish"

I am too

However, Gu Xi's voice would not cease; he continued to speak in a fierce tone: "They have been in a relationship for six years, five of which were long-distance. I promise you, you can forget about it for the rest of your life!"

Gu Xi's friend shouted loudly: "Qiao Zihua, get up quickly, there is a girl!"

I took out my phone, found Qiao Zihua's number in the UK, and a simple "Merry Christmas" lingered on my mind, yet I hesitated to send it. Just as I was about to give up on editing, the phone screen suddenly lit up, and the three characters "Qiao Zihua" flashed on the screen.

Due to my sudden addition, the originally four-person trip became a five-person journey. The next day, we set off for San Francisco, traveling along the scenic Highway 1, renowned as the most beautiful road in the United States. I sat in the back seat between Qiao Zihua and another boy, my hands awkwardly resting on my lap, unsure of what to say. The car slowly moved through the heavily congested streets of Los Angeles, with soothing instrumental music playing inside, creating an incredibly pleasant atmosphere. However, suddenly the sky became overcast, and before anyone could react, raindrops began to fall densely.

During the period shortly after returning from California, I suffered from insomnia every night. Sitting on the bed in the dark, I recalled every detail related to Qiao Zihua from my journey, right up to the last effortful smile as I said, 'Goodbye.' I thought to myself, perhaps there will never be a possibility of seeing each other again in this lifetime

Gu Xi looked at me for a long time, then he turned his head and turned off his computer. He placed his hand on the doorknob of my room and finally made up his mind to say: "Xu Nuo, the thing I regret the most in my life is taking you to California and letting you meet him"

I turned around unguarded and saw him pressing the shutter of the camera at me

Yes, I thought about it and said, "I want to go to the United Kingdom"

01

Gu Xi lowered his head and silently watched me cry. I did not know what he was thinking. After a long, long time, he finally spoke again: "Xu Nuo, liking someone does not necessarily mean you have to be together with them. If you like him, isn't it just that you hope he is happy, safe, healthy, and blessed?"

A week later, I finally saw Qiao Zihua again at Los Angeles Airport. Four months had passed, yet it seemed that nothing had changed. He was wearing a blue down jacket and appeared to have gained some weight; when he smiled, his eyes still squinted into a line. I sat nervously beside him

This has unexpectedly become the most touching yet most hurtful love words I have ever heard in my life

Before leaving, Gu Xi had introduced to me the house rented by his friend. Together with Qiao Zihua and another boy, there were a total of three boys living there, all of whom were three years older than me and studying for their master's degrees in the United States. I walked over to Qiao Zihua, picked up the Mexican green pepper, and sliced it. He was about the same height as Gu Xi, but very thin, looking like a big boy. When I looked up, I could see a red string around his neck, with a pendant that was obscured by the round collar of his T-shirt; it was probably a jade pendant, I guessed randomly. I walked over to Qiao Zihua, picked up the Mexican green pepper, and sliced it. He was about the same height as Gu Xi, but very thin, looking like a big boy. When I looked up, I could see a red string around his neck, with a pendant that was obscured by the round collar of his T-shirt; it was probably a jade pendant, I guessed randomly.

My hand holding the mouse couldn't help but tremble, as I recalled the sound of the waves I listened to all night fifteen days ago in the seaside garden with the same black car.

I dare not go out to play with you anymore, I said self-deprecatingly, too many unexpected events